


Accidentally in Love

by every1isgay



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Anxiety, Asexuality, Awkward Tension, Awkwardness, Boyfriends, Break Up, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute, Demisexuality, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Fluff, Forced Bonding, Fraternities & Sororities, Gay, Love, M/M, Merthur endgame, Modern Era, Music, Musicals, Party, Piano, Relationship(s), Soul Bond, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Telepathic Bond, Touching
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:28:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23134675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/every1isgay/pseuds/every1isgay
Summary: They say everyone has a soulmate, but it's sort of up in the air whether you will ever meet yours or not. About 50% of people end up happily living with their soulmates for the rest of their lives. With such low odds, it is clear that the system messes up sometimes, right? Maybe everyone is just better off without them.ORMerlin and Arthur are acquaintances at Uni, but neither of them likes the other, and they would be perfectly happy to never meet again. But one night at a party hosted by their mutual friend Gwaine, they accidentally bump into each other, and then the soul bond forms - they are stuck with each other.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Will (Merlin)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 89





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> written by Emery and Natasha

It's smelly and too hot in the living room, so Merlin tries to move outside, but Will tugs him into a dance instead. It's more of an awkward sort of sway to the beat than an actual dance, but Merlin tries to keep up to make his boyfriend happy. Will is drunk, which usually leads to a squabble between them by the end of the night, so it's especially important to maintain the peace.

Merlin doesn't drink; he gets too sick and too stupid. In high school he would drink at parties, which would sometimes lead to uncomfortable one night stands. He always had a headache in the morning, and would walk away heavy with regret. 

Then he met Will at Freshman Orientation last year, and three months ago he asked Merlin out. Merlin liked Will a lot as a friend, but as a romantic partner, things changed. They were good, just very different. He is still trying to get used to sleeping with someone sober, and that has been the weirdest part of this whole relationship thing. Merlin tries to enjoy sex, truly he does. There are definitely aspects of it he finds pleasurable, like the end bit, that's nice. But all the stuff in between doesn't quite make sense to him. Like now, his drunk boyfriend is grinding against him, and he doesn't really feel much more than annoyance.

After engaging enough to appease his boyfriend, Merlin is able to get away when a new song starts with a more mellow tone. Soon, Will too loses interest and follows Elyan and Mithian into the kitchen for beer pong. Luckily, he doesn't take Merlin with him. Finally free to slip outside with the cool air of the night, away from the loud frat house, and into the twinkling lights of the stars, Merlin sets his sights on the bonfire that dances in the darkness ahead.

There is a group of students already outside; for the most part it's an acceptable assortment of people. Lance and Gwen are glued together roasting two marshmallows on a single stick. Beside them is Pecival with what looks like three stuffed in his mouth. Across from him, Freya and Leon are holding two marshmallows each. All of them have been nice to Merlin every time they have interacted, so he's glad to see them. But the last person is not a big fan of Merlin's, and Merlin isn't too fond of him either. 

Arthur Pendragon. 

He's posh, pretentious, and dresses like a prat. He is friends with Leon and Gwaine, so he comes around occasionally. Normally, Merlin avoids him when he can, but tonight he would rather avoid being inside where there is too much drunken chaos.

"Hola, friends!" Merlin chirps, taking a seat in one of the camping chairs set up around the fire. "We makin' s'mores?" Merlin glances around and accidentally catches Arthur's eye, but he then quickly averts his gaze.

  * ○●○



It's late at one of Gwaine's shitty parties at the fraternity house he lives in, and Arthur is in the backyard with Leon. They are laughing at Percival who was just caught stuffing way too many marshmallows in his mouth right before Freya asked him a question about his workout routine. Arthur's laughter dies down when someone sits down to join their group. 

Merlin is younger, but for some random ass reason, he is friends with Gwaine too, so he shows up in Arthur’s life every so often. Merlin is not a big fan of Arthur's, and Arthur isn't too fond of him either. The first time they met, he told Arthur off for "being mean" to some freshman, and they haven’t gotten along any better since.

Jordan had come up to Arthur while he was eating lunch in the quad a while back, and they had started asking him about joining the track team at the school. They were one of the freshmen that Arthur mentored through the counseling program, and technically they weren't supposed to bother Arthur on his own time, but he didn't mind taking the time to explain that university-level athletics is not the place to "try out" a new sport. Or sports in general, most likely, seeing as Jordan was too fat to be already practicing something. Merlin had apparently been passing by at the time, though, and he started bitching at Arthur for calling Jordan fat who hadn't even stuck around for the ensuing argument.

Arthur had never really liked Merlin butting into his business, and now he was doing it again. He is not nearly drunk enough to share a bonfire with this fucking idiot. Actually, Arthur doesn’t drink much anymore - he has grades to keep up in his last year of school - but he is sipping on a rum and coke right now. As Merlin asks about the s’mores (obviously that’s what people are making; why the fuck is he asking?) Arthur contemplates his drink for a moment and then downs the rest of it all at once. He tends to stay sober at parties like this, to make sure everyone gets home okay. Gwaine certainly won’t, even though he’s hosting. However, it’s not actually his responsibility, and Leon hasn’t been drinking much either so he can take over duties for tonight.

“Yeah,” Percival laughs, offering Merlin a bag of marshmallows. With a gargantuan effort, he swallows down everything in his mouth. “I don’t even know who brought them, but there’s a shit ton of marshmallows, so take as many as you want!”

Freya snorts, "Just not as many as Percy here, you might die."

Gwen hands her stick off to Lance and leans forward, a concerned frown coming over her face. “Um, I don’t think…” she pats around in the dark for a moment. “I think we’re out of sticks, though.” Then she looks up, right at Arthur. “You’re done, aren’t you, Arthur? Can Merlin use yours?”

Arthur rolls his eyes. He is done, but that doesn’t mean he wants to give anything to Merlin. Gwen knows he doesn’t like the kid, too, but she is the kind of person who thinks everyone should be friends with each other. Arthur stands up and pointedly drops his stick on his chair, so Merlin will have to come get it himself. “Whatever, I’m going to get another drink anyway,” he mutters before walking stiffly away.

He shouldn't have even come here tonight. Parties like this are a huge distraction from his current heavy load of courses, all of which he needs to pass. Gwaine had begged for him to come, but Arthur's college friend was easy enough to turn down. However, his cousin Leon was a different story. After he graduated two years ago and started working for the family business, Arthur barely saw him anymore, so he gave in when Leon said he was showing up.

Leon had never minded the thought of becoming a lawyer. Maybe he wasn't born with an unending passion for argument and justice, like Arthur's sister Morgana, but he did well, and he was happy to carry on his father's legacy. Arthur had thought he would be the same way, but after a year of law school, he opted the fuck out and switched over to producing music. 

Even with their separation, since Arthur wouldn't go anywhere near DuBois and Pendragon, he and Leon remain best friends, and Arthur misses spending time with his cousin. So here he is, standing in the middle of a fucking frat house, starting to feel guilty for being a dick, and not even spending time with Leon.

He walks around a bit, but quickly finds that most everyone is drunk or making out or both, and he really doesn't want to join in that. Before long, he makes his way to the kitchen and pours a beer morosely into his cup. He doesn't even like beer, but after downing the rest of his drink, he already feels lightheaded and he knows he'll get actually drunk if he has anything stronger than a beer.

Pouting at the yellowish liquid, he makes his way back outside. That was where he wanted to be anyway. He shouldn't let Merlin scare him off, he's just a dumb kid. Arthur can ignore him.

  
  


  * ○●○



"So, what's up his butt?" Merlin mumbles lowly, crossing his arms. "I just…" he cuts himself off. It doesn't matter, it's not like he wants to understand the inner workings of Arthur Pendragon.

Percival looks uncomfortable, like he is trying to figure out something to say, fiddling with yet another marshmallow. Gwen keeps looking from Merlin to Lance and back again. Leon is pointedly looking away. And Freya seems too distracted staring at Percival to even realize what happened.

"Just ignore him, Merlin. How are midterms going?" Gwen asks sweetly. She is always chipper and positive, which is something Merlin appreciates. Especially in times like this.

Merlin sighs, leaning back in his chair. "Pretty awful. I'm used to being top of my class in high school, and in college I've done nothing but skirt by. I don't get it. I feel like maybe I'm making a mistake. I should just go to a trade school like my dad, and not even try the whole education thing."

Freya seems to wake up a bit near the end of Merlin's tirade. "Woah, hey, no, Merlin you would make such a fantastic teacher! Don't you dare give up!"

Merlin gives her a weak smile before Percival pipes up as well. "I didn't do too well my sophomore year either, Merlin, I wouldn't be worried. You're still figuring it all out."

It's nice to have encouraging people around, yet it makes him miss his Mum. She always adds a silver lining to situations where Merlin feels otherwise helpless. "Thanks," he whispers.

"I didn't know you wanted to be a teacher," Gwen starts in, "What do you want to teach?"

As she asks her question, Arthur comes back from the house with another drink in hand. He looks uncomfortable, irritated even, but doesn't make a big deal of it this time. The blond, admittedly somewhat handsome man, just sits down, sipping at the red cup in his hand as Merlin starts to respond to Gwen.

"I love philosophy and social justice work, but I am really passionate about teaching elementary school kids. They are the most eager to learn, I feel like, and they still have unlimited curiosity. So I want to do that, but I haven't decided a major yet. So… we'll see if I can get my shit together in time to actually get my degree in anything." Merlin gives a half-hearted laugh and hugs his middle.

Sounding vulnerable in front of people is one thing he tries to avoid as much as he can. He already knows he looks weak: skinny limbs dressed in pastel colors and a dorky smile with crooked teeth. Now to add to all that, he just admitted that he's struggling with his studies, the one thing he is usually confident about. To make matters worse, Arthur is sitting right there, listening to all his chatter, probably silently judging.

  * ○●○



When he goes to sit down, Merlin has started to explain something and he doesn't shut up. Great. He talks about what he wants to do with his life and Arthur is stubbornly annoyed that he actually sounds like a good person. He scowls quietly into his cup.

Then, to his surprise, Leon speaks up. "You have time still, Merlin. You're a sophomore, right? Just make sure to get your general ed requirements out of the way, and you'll have enough time to change. Even if you have to become a super senior, like Arthur." Arthur goes very red and does  _ not _ acknowledge the jab at him. 

Yeah, he started university not knowing what he wanted, so he figured: why not become a lawyer? It's what everyone in his life wanted. He already had some credits out of the way after high school, so he jumped right in with law classes. And… he did his best, but it was boring as hell. So after a grueling year, he changed his major and even his college by declaring himself for a Bachelor of Arts in Music Production. He is going to graduate at the end of this year, as long as he passes everything, and it is only his fifth year since starting. It's not so bad.

Why is Leon on Merlin's side anyway? Does he even know Merlin? Leon is a year older than Arthur and he doesn't even go to this school anymore. He has no real reason to be friends with this sophomore undergraduate.

"He's right," Lance chimes in earnestly. "Actually, most four-year Bachelor's degrees allow for flexibility in some of your electives, so you don't usually need all four years to finish. You don't need to start worrying about being undeclared until mid-junior year, maybe."

Arthur takes a small sip of the bitter beer in his plastic cup. He doesn't want to participate in this group session of "comfort Merlin." In fact, he could do with not talking about the stress of degrees and life plans at all; this is supposed to be a party! He should have just stayed home.

  * ○●○



Merlin listens to the upperclassmen giving him some solid advice. It does make him feel better, but he's uncomfortable with all the focus being on him.

"Erm, well, thanks," he murmurs. "I appreciate the support. I'll figure something out, I'm sure."

Freya reaches over, reaching slightly to put a hand on his knee. "You will. I know you will. And you should definitely go for teaching. I'm rooting for you."

Merlin blushes, rubbing the back of his head as he pulls his leg away to avoid her touch. Freya is very sweet, and a good friend. She is the reason he knows this group around the bonfire after all, even if it's only because of her big crush on Percival. So he isn't unappreciative of her attempt to comfort him, it's just the  _ way _ she does it. She tries to touch him. Merlin doesn't like being touched, something he occasionally reminds people of which they promptly forget or don't take seriously.

He shakes his head, attention momentarily coming back to the conversation at hand. They are discussing the new Star Wars movie now, which Merlin hasn't seen. So he tunes them out as he picks at his soul mark on his wrist.

It's a dainty little thing. The light blue butterfly has been with him his whole life, yet it doesn't feel like part of him. 

Only fifty percent of people ever find their soulmate, and though that gives him a fighting chance, he can also see himself just sticking it out with Will out of convenience. God, that's an awful thing to think, isn't it?

He scowls at his wrist and starts to pick at it more, angry that this should matter at all. He would never be lucky enough to find the one who he is meant to be with. So why even worry about it? But sometimes he thinks about it  _ too _ much, when he is up late longing for a companion who  _ understands  _ him. He doesn't want to need someone, but he also wants to be loved unconditionally.

His attention slams back to reality when he realizes he has picked at his soul mark so much it's now bleeding. Blue wings turned crimson.

  * ○●○



Finally, the conversation moves on from Merlin. Arthur doesn't care a whole lot about Star Wars either, but he has seen the movies, so he puts in his two cents, halfheartedly. Internally, he starts to zone out.

He really should just go home. At this point, he is wasting his time here at this party. He is not particularly enjoying himself, and he no longer counts as sober. His head is buzzing and he's dizzy enough that he knows he shouldn't drive anywhere. His role here is superfluous. He could just go home. The subway is within walking distance, and the line lets off right near his apartment.

But whether it is laziness or just stubbornness, he doesn't feel like moving yet. With a sigh, he focuses back in on reality. His friends are  _ still _ discussing Star Wars. He opens his mouth to say something, but then freezes. He didn't mean to pay him any mind, but he couldn't help but notice Merlin quietly glaring at his wrist. Weird. But then Arthur's eyes zero in on the blood there. What the hell?

Arthur stands up and moves around the fire without thinking, but he stops awkwardly when he reaches Merlin's chair. They aren't friends. In fact, he doesn't like this kid. But…

"Hey, are you okay?" He asks grudgingly.

  * ○●○



Merlin's eyes snap upward when he hears someone ask if he is okay. Arthur. Really? It has to be Arthur, of all people, who notices? He hadn't wanted  _ anyone _ to notice, least of all Arthur.

Quickly, he turns his wrist, hiding his wound. "Totally good!" Merlin pipes up with a fake smile. Then, on unsteady feet, Merlin stands, awkwardly moving past Arthur. "I, erm, I need to pee. In the bathroom. I mean, I gotta go to the bathroom. To pee." He hurries off into the house without waiting for any kind of reply.

Inside, the loud music somehow seems louder than before, and he swears the amount of people has doubled. He slinks through the crowd only to find a line for the bathroom downstairs. 

Of course.

Holding onto his wrist, he makes his way upstairs where there happens to be an empty bedroom, so he rushes in and closes the door behind him. It does little to block out the noise of the party, but at least he's alone.

Merlin peels his hand away, looking down at his wrist. It's not bad. And it has stopped bleeding now. He finds a tissue box and spits on a tissue to wipe away the remaining dried-up blood. He doesn't think he will find a bandaid in here, and he doesn't much feel like looking. This will have to be good enough.

He doesn't want to go back outside, not if Arthur is still out there. But he definitely doesn't want to stay inside the stuffy house. Reluctantly, he decides to return to the backyard after finding his hoodie in the front hallway closet. Merlin slips it on, glad to have something to cover his wrist, but mostly glad to have an extra layer of protection from this stupid party.

When he is once again outside, he breathes in the cool night air, feeling as if he can finally relax. He pauses to look up at the stars before his eyes fall to the group surrounding the fire. Gwen and Lance have left, and he doesn't see Freya and Percival either. Arthur is still there, talking to just Leon now, so he especially wants to avoid that situation. He will have to hang out elsewhere while his boyfriend gets wasted beyond recognition before he passes out and Merlin is left to drag him home.

Following the edge of the house, Merlin finds a good spot to sit on the grass, with his back against the wall. Settling in, he pulls out his phone to play solitaire till it dies and he will have to go back inside to search for a drunk Will.

Feeling apathetic, Merlin doesn't care anymore about how this night ends. One way or another, he is glad to have this quiet moment to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur meet up again, and this time the bond happens! But how are they going to handle it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is where things start to heat up! This is a short chapter, but we get to the soulbond, at least.

He doesn't go to Gwaine's next few parties, but one night, he gets a call from his drunk sister, giggling and begging for a ride home. She's not even old enough to be drinking, and she will definitely be in a lot of shit if their father finds out about this. Arthur is not happy that he has to stop what he is doing to go save her ass, but he is not about to leave her hanging, so he dons a coat and ventures outside. He drives to the house (Gwaine's again, of course) and parks about a block away. The place is packed, and it's still a little early in the night. He texts Morgana from his car, but she doesn't answer, so he goes inside.

He doesn’t see her right away because there are far too many fucking people standing around, dancing, and drinking inside. He pushes his way through the living room, searching the faces of all the drunk idiots, trying to figure out which one of them is his sister. He sees Will, the jack-ass dating Merlin, and resolves, once again, to get out of here as soon as possible. But first, he needs to find Morgana.

Just then, he sees a flash of long black hair walk down the hallway, so he turns around to follow, but immediately bumps into someone.

"Sorry," he says automatically, putting a hand out to steady the person. Yet as his hand touches cold skin, he… freezes.

  * ○●○



It had been a few weeks since Merlin had last seen Arthur, which made seeing him now that much more disappointing. He actually had been enjoying himself tonight, despite being at a frat party. He had been pressed up against his boyfriend, lost in the rhythm of the music as he danced freely. He had worn his glittery leggings with a pink tank top that had a rainbow unicorn on it. Glitter and unicorns always make him happy. He was meant to be celebrating since he had just found out that he had passed all his midterms.

But then Pendragon had to go and show up and ruin everything.

As soon as Arthur runs into him, Merlin almost falls over from a wave of dizziness that he's fairly certain was not a result of the collision. Will had just left to get them drinks, so he was going to fight this fight solo, it seemed. But once Arthur's warm hand touches his upper arm, and they meet each other's eyes, a hot sensation fills Merlin's veins.

His soul mark burns for a second before it settles to a calming warmth.

No.

"What the hell did you just do?" Merlin asks. Though he knows what is supposed to happen when you touch your soulmate for the first time, this is probably just a coincidence.

No!

This is a prank, surely. Arthur found a way to simulate the reaction so he could tease Merlin relentlessly, right?

He pulls away from the prat, panic setting in. "What- what did you do!?" he asks again, more desperate this time. This had  _ better _ be a joke. 

Too many emotions are happening inside him; he feels like crying and laughing and a bit like he is going mad.

  * ○●○



His body starts tingling all over and he feels suddenly too hot and anxious, but what really stops Arthur in his tracks is a burning sensation on his wrist… right where a red butterfly, his soul mark, sits. He looks down at it, small and innocent-looking.

Merlin demands to know what he did, but Arthur barely processes the words. This can't be happening. Fuck, his soulmark? It could mean something else, right? It doesn't have to be his soulmate. Not Merlin… not any-fucking-one! He doesn’t _ need _ a soulmate.

When Merlin asks him again what he did, Arthur scowls. He decides right then that he cannot accept this. Merlin is standing there in sparkly leggings and a stupid pink tank top, flamboyant, and indignant, and annoying as hell. Arthur has no intention of accepting a soulmate, but especially not this ridiculous kid.

He realizes that Merlin was accusing him of something, and he looks back up at him. "I apologized, didn’t I?" He retorts. "It's crowded in here, I didn't mean to run into you, obviously." There. It was just a regular run-in.  _ Nothing _ else is happening. He tries to move sideways around Merlin, toward where he thought he saw Morgana. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find my sister." He successfully circles Merlin without touching him again, and then keeps weaving through the other people.

  
  


  * ○●○



Arthur acts as if they just ran into each other and nothing  _ else  _ happened. He scowls as the other man walks past him. Maybe Merlin is imagining things. Because Arthur seems to think nothing happened. Maybe Merlin is just getting sick. Or he  _ is  _ going crazy. Whatever it is, Arthur is leaving and Merlin can just forget this, because it was probably nothing.

But once Arthur starts to ascend the stairs, Merlin feels this  _ tug _ , a pull to follow him. The wave of dizziness returns and Merlin has to use the back of the couch to hold him steady. 

God, please. This can not be happening!

Back in highschool health class they learned all about what happens to your body when you meet your soulmate. Some shit about bonding? What was it again?

_ “It is vital to slow down, once one has found one’s soulmate, and take care of both the mental and physical wellbeing of both partners. As soon as the two touch skin, a bond is formed and the pair will be forced to remain physically close for a period of time so the bond can be solidified. If the two separate too soon, they will feel nauseated, and this illness will progress until the pair is reunited.” (Sherman et al., 2018) _

Yet Merlin is still hoping that something else is happening to him. Because Arthur should feel sick too. Right?

Speaking of which.

Merlin rushes out the front door, throwing up into the bushes. His heart is racing and his thoughts clouding as the ringing in his ears gets louder and louder. 

Then suddenly it stops.

He feels a tap on his shoulder and for a brief second he hopes it's Arthur and this feeling will go away. Instead, when he turns around he is met with his boyfriend. "Hey Merlin, you okay? I saw you rush out… did you drink at all? You know it makes you sick."

Merlin makes a pitiful noise. This can not be happening to him. Not now. Things were going so well, and he wants to stay with Will. There has to be another explanation. He is not meant to be with that pompous man who just yelled at him for no reason.

Before he can respond to Will, he feels another wave of nausea hit. If nothing is happening to Arthur, then all of this was just a coincidence. Where is the prat, anyway?

  * ○●○



Arthur starts to feel nauseated as he climbs the stairs. He can feel a… pull. His body is telling him to turn around and go back. Back to Merlin, presumably. This is the bond. He's not an idiot, and he paid attention in high school. This is what happens when you are newly bonded; you need to stay close to that person for a while. If you venture too far away, you'll get weak. Your body needs to be near your soulmate, and they suggest only easing up slowly as you get used to each other.

His body is betraying him. There is no more lying to himself. He stops in the hallway at the top of the stairs because he doesn't  _ want _ to go on. He wants to turn around and find his soulmate. He grits his teeth, but the feeling is just getting worse. Is Merlin running away from him too? Before Arthur can think any more, he darts forward into the bathroom across the hall and kneels in front of the toilet. He throws up and dismally watches the bowl fill up. He has to find Merlin. This is awful.

As fate would have it, Morgana finds him while he is leaned over the toilet. "Arthur? Are you drunk?" His sister leans heavily against the doorpost and giggles. "You're not supposed to be the one drunk!"

He finishes and shakily wipes his mouth with toilet paper and flushes everything down. He sits back on his heels. "No, I-" He what? He found his soulmate? And he walked away, because he didn't want to accept it. How childish. And yet, he wants so desperately for this all to be some awful coincidence. "I just feel sick. I'll be okay to drive soon, though. I just… I need to find someone." And with that, he stands up, ready to search for Merlin. Morgana follows along, asking him about who he is looking for, but he ignores her, navigating by the feel of his body as he turns down different halls.

He makes his way outside, and he is already feeling better. There aren't many people out because of how cold it is, but it still takes Arthur a moment to find his target crouched near some bushes. He strides up and then frowns, not sure how to approach this.

"Hey, what do you want?" It's Will, the boyfriend. Arthur turns; he hadn't noticed him standing there.

"Not you," he answers rudely. He's not exactly having a good night. He nudges Merlin's leg with his foot to get his attention and then reluctantly says, "Merlin. We need to talk."

"What the hell do you want with him?" Will demands, stepping closer. Arthur puts a hand to his head. He thinks he is getting a headache.

"Arthur," Morgana whines behind him. "It's cold out. Can you just do this later?"

Arthur huffs, trying to ignore everyone who isn't apparently his soulmate.

  * ○●○



The sick feeling is starting to let up when he hears Will start yelling. He rolls his eyes, but when someone comes to him and says they need to talk, a different feeling fills Merlin's insides. 

He rolls away from his own sick, sitting up to look upon his… well… soulmate?

There is a woman shouting at Arthur, and Will is trying to butt in as well. Merlin can't stand all this stimulation so he gathers the little energy he has left to say as loud as he can, "Shut up! I need to talk to Arthur and you both need to leave!"

Will blinks at him. "Merlin…"

"No. Will, go inside, and take her with you," he grunts, pointing at the woman. "Please. I'll come find you in a minute."

Clearly unhappy, Will heads back inside. There will be an argument later about how Merlin needs to respect him more, treat him as a priority. It will end in Merlin telling him off and Will coming back the next day with flowers as an apology. That is to say, that's how things would have gone if tonight was a regular night. But this conversation with Arthur could change everything.

Merlin still holds onto hope that this is all a misunderstanding and they can go back to never talking again, but that seems unlikely.

The woman is still there, talking to Arthur and Merlin lays back on the grass, tuning them out for a moment as he slows his breathing. He is starting to feel better, but his soul mark is burning again. He rubs it idly till he feels a presence by his side.

Sitting up, Merlin is faced once again with Arthur Pendragon, and for all their history, and as much as Merlin is loath to admit it, he is actually somewhat relieved to see the blonde prat.

Oh god. It's going to be a long night.

  * ○●○



Merlin shouts out and Arthur feels… something. Something akin to satisfaction, maybe? He doesn't want to examine it too closely. Merlin tells his boyfriend to go inside and bring Morgana, but she predictably refuses and Arthur steps in before she takes it further, because she will, especially while drunk.

"Hey, Morgana. Look, you don't have to go with Will, but can you just give me a moment? This is important. I'll come inside and find you soon."

"What the hell, Arthur? You're supposed to be taking me home." She scowls at him and crosses her arms. "Do you even know this guy?"

Arthur shakes his head, frustrated. "Yeah, I… we just need to sort something out, okay? If you're so desperate, get another ride. Otherwise, I'll be ready soon. Keep your eye on your phone and I'll text you."

She huffs and rolls her eyes. "Fine, whatever. You better hurry, or I'm gonna get another drink and end up puking." With that, she turns on her heel, wobbles, and then makes her way carefully across the yard and inside. He rolls his eyes at her back.

Then, he turns back to Merlin. He is waiting, for some absurd reason, lying on the grass. Before Arthur can comment, though, he sits up and they meet eyes. Arthur clenches his jaw, his emotions wild, but mixed up. He scratches at his wrist which still feels hot, and then sighs.

"What the fuck," he mutters, not really at Merlin, just at the situation in general. Then, "Are you… your wrist, is it…?" He gestures meaningfully, since he can't make himself actually say any of the important words here.

Merlin hugs his knees, looking at his wrist. There is a blue butterfly there, plain even in the dim light. Arthur glances instinctively at his own soulmark.

"Oh god," Merlin whines quietly and looks up at Arthur. "This… this can  _ not  _ be happening! I'm sure you're a very lovely person, Pendragon, I just… this is not how I imagined any of this going down."

Arthur purses his lips, unhappy and unsure what to do.

“Yeah, well, neither did I.” He sighs and looks around the yard, as if he will find help somewhere out there. Of course there is nothing but a few party-goers at the edges of the area. He sighs. “I’m sure we can make some arrangement. I’m not really interested in a soulmate anyway,” he says, his voice low, but probably loud enough for Merlin to hear. He said the word, even though it was not technically in reference to Merlin. It doesn’t feel any better having said it, but not any worse, either. “We’ll just have to get through this first part, when we’ll be stuck together, and then I don’t care what you end up doing. So just… for tonight, just come back to my place, okay?” Frankly, all things considered, he is handling this quite graciously, he thinks. He doesn’t like the idea of Merlin in his home, but he likes the idea of going somewhere else even less. And what if Merlin lives with Will? No way in hell; Arthur’s place is best.

  * ○●○



"Your place!?" Merlin repeats, standing up, which proves very quickly to be a mistake. He stumbles and without thinking uses Arthur to balance. 

When they touch, he stills, because it feels… nice. God, that's weird isn't it? But his head is clear and there is something pleasant bubbling up in him. So he pulls his hand away. "Sorry," he mutters. 

This is all quite a mess. Arthur wants Merlin to come stay with him for the initial 24 hours, which is said to be the worst of it. Supposedly most couples can't even be a few feet away from each other without getting sick or feeling utterly lost. So Merlin  _ knows _ that they have to make some accommodations. But. He doesn't want to go to Arthur's.

Merlin lives with his Great Uncle Gaius, off campus in the rural part of town. He could easily say he is crashing at a friend's and his uncle wouldn't bat an eye. However, that's not entirely the issue. No. The issue Merlin takes with staying at Arthur's is just that: staying at Arthur's.

"Look, I… maybe we should go to an urgent-care or something. I can't very well stay at yours for 24 hours. I… I know this kind of thing will be excused by the school, but… I can't miss class. And… well, I want to sleep in my own bed tonight. I don't do well in new places. I can't sleep and I have bad dreams!" Merlin can't really stop himself once he gets started. He's just not okay with the idea of Arthur being his soulmate! "Maybe there is some way to undo this. We… we both have  _ lives _ to live. I can't just… I can't go to yours!" Merlin finally finishes, exasperated.

Arthur sighs. "Don't you think if there was a way to undo this, people would use it more often?" He asks bitterly as he runs a hand through his hair. "Okay, look. A doctor isn't going to do anything for us. We just have to… work something out. I have classes tomorrow too, so maybe we can work out a schedule? But tonight…" He groans. "We obviously can't both be at home, so if you’re going to cry about it, maybe we should get a hotel or something."

“I’m not going to cry about it,” Merlin pouts, crossing his arms. Then he exhales, defeated. "No. I can't afford that. And anyway, I would still be away from home."

There really is no other option, not unless they want to be sick and miserable for the next few days. He has to just put up with this, even though he has no idea what it all means. Arthur had mentioned they can go their separate ways when this is over, which sounds nice, but Merlin knows that it won't be that easy.

None of that really matters when it comes to tonight. They need to take this one step at a time. As far as the future goes, they will have to simply wait and see.

Merlin scratches the back of his head. "Okay. I'll come to yours, but… I need to talk to my boyfriend first. Can… is there a way I can do that privately without us getting sick again?"

“Well,” Arthur starts.

“Maybe I should just…” Miserably, Merlin realizes exactly what he will have to tell Will, and that makes him sick for a whole other reason. "I'll just text him. I can't do that conversation right now. He will be upset, but not as upset as he would be if I told him everything. I'm just gonna tell him I'm heading home. Then… then we can go."

Arthur purses his lips. “Fine. But I need to drive my sister home, and then I guess we can stop by your place to pick up some stuff.”

Merlin feels like crying, but some part of his brain is still dancing in euphoria from finding his soulmate, and it's getting harder to ignore that part of his brain the longer he stands so close to Arthur. They are still so close and… well he simply can’t bring himself to be bothered by the proximity. 

“Okay,” Merlin mutters.

When Arthur turns away to give Merlin some privacy to text Will, there is an unmistakable reaction telling him he won’t last long like this. His hands shake as he texts his boyfriend a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, I know, but we split things up to hopefully come out with new chapters more quickly. Keep commenting and let us know what you guys think! Thanks for reading! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur settle in at Arthur's apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter! Hopefully the next one won't be take long.

When they enter his apartment, Arthur immediately steps to the side, into his kitchenette. “Set your stuff down wherever,” he mumbles, already turning away from the kid. The car ride to Morgana’s was mostly fine. She was loud and talkative and drunk enough not to notice the tense air between him and Merlin, so he let her dominate the conversation. She sat in the front with him, too, so it was easy to pretend Merlin wasn’t there.

Once he dropped his sister off at her dorm, though, the silence became awkward. Arthur had to ask Merlin for directions and Merlin gave them from the backseat. When it turned out that Merlin lived way out in the countryside, Arthur felt like a dick for not offering for him to move up front. The drive was almost half an hour, the only talk being the occasional request to turn. Normally this would irritate him, but he found himself wanting to accommodate for Merlin.

And now, even though he would rather just shut himself into his room for the night without another word spoken between them, Arthur finds himself pulling out his kettle. He was raised to be a good host above all. “Do you want some tea?” he asks, once the water is already set to boil.

Merlin gives a soft agreement, so Arthur next prepares two cups. When he is done with that, he turns around to find Merlin just standing in the entryway, on his phone. Arthur sighs and tells him to have a seat on the couch. He watches Merlin sit, imagining making the kid sleep there. It would be nicer for Arthur, certainly, but the thought makes him cringe, because it’s not a very comfortable couch. Besides, his bed is plenty large enough for two, as much as he hates to admit it.

He stops thinking about sleeping arrangements for now when the kettle starts to whistle. The chai tea Morgana had got him last year smelled strange, but it was all he had on hand. Placing Merlin’s mug gingerly on the table in front of him, Arthur then scurries back to the opposite end of the couch. He glances around his one-bedroom apartment as he sinks down and sips, trying to see the place through Merlin’s eyes. The room is mostly tidy, with his keyboard as the only other large piece of furniture. A moderate sized TV hangs on the wall. The only table is the small one in front of the couch, since the kitchen has no space for one. His bedroom, bathroom, and a small closet are down a tiny hallway opposite the keyboard. None of it is impressive, but everything is clean and taken care of.

Merlin startles him by speaking up while Arthur is still peering around. "So, I can sleep on the couch. I don't mind."

Arthur turns to the kid and then he grimaces. Because he knows what he has to say, even if he doesn't especially want to. It goes against his nature to force a guest to have the uncomfortable bed. It actually goes against his nature to be this bad of a host at all, he just really doesn’t want this to be happening.

"Ah, no, that's not necessary," he sighs. "My bed is a queen, so… we can both fit on it fine. I mean, we shouldn't have to touch or anything, at least. It’s just temporarily." He tries to offer Merlin a tight smile, and then gives up when it feels like it is coming out wrong. "Sorry, I… I should have explained that. And you can have… anything else you need, really. Just ask me, and I can show you where it is. The food, or toiletries, or whatever."

  * ○●○



Arthur seems to be… nice. For some reason that surprises Merlin. It shouldn't, though, because really Merlin knows nothing about him. It would seem that for the most part he is a reasonable person who, well, Merlin just doesn't know. But he is trying to be gentlemanly with this bed thing. And it is meant to be kind, Merlin knows that, but he still doesn't feel comfortable sharing a bed with a stranger. Especially one who has potential to be… 

He shakes his head. "No, really, it's okay. I would prefer the couch. I don't… it's okay. It's actually comfy." And as if to prove a point, Merlin wiggles into it, leaning back. It's not that comfortable, but he doesn't know if he could share a bed with Arthur.

Arthur cocks a brow, looking as if he is trying to figure something out for a moment. Then, with a shrug, he stands up and says, “I can get you a blanket and pillow for tonight.”

He's being accommodating even through all this terrible awkwardness. It's sweet, and again, something Merlin wouldn't have expected. It's unfair of him, sure, but he had assumed Arthur was a spoiled brat.

"Yeah, thanks, a pillow would be nice."

Arthur goes to his small hallway closet, pulls out a blanket and pillow and brings them back to drop them next to Merlin. “Here,” he announces. “Um, is there anything else you need?”

Merlin reassures Arthur that he is fine, he will make do. There is a lull of silence as they move about the house and bathroom, getting ready for bed. It's just uncomfortable. Merlin doesn't want it to be, because whenever Arthur brushes past him, or Merlin gets a whiff of his shampoo, all he wants to do is cuddle up and hug Arthur for all eternity. He knows it's instincts, though. Who knows what he truly feels for Arthur?

Finally, once Merlin is settled on the couch, and Arthur is in his room, Merlin is left alone to think. This is definitely a disaster. He had never thought himself lucky enough to find his soulmate, but he always romanticized it to be this epic love story like his parents'. 

His dad, Balinor, met his mum when he was passing through the small mountain town Hunith grew up in. She always said she knew as soon as she saw him, and their week of bonding was the best week of her life. It's when Merlin was conceived. But Balinor left a month later, never to be seen again. No one knows what happened to him, but Hunith always said she could feel him still alive, still in love with her.

It was always bittersweet hearing the story of his parents. Merlin thought that Balinor should have stayed, but he was only passing through the town and needed to finish his exploration of the mountain for his research. He could have come back after his project, but he didn't. He never came back. And all this proved to Merlin was that soulmate or not, people can still abandon you. He longed for the kind of love he saw in his mother's eyes whenever she talked about her soulmate, but he resented that his father had left. The topic of soulmates had always been a weird one for Merlin Emrys.

It has only been about twenty minutes since Arthur had retreated to his room, but already Merlin feels sick. Damnit. They should have known better. Or Merlin should have. Arthur was offering the bed because they are still in a very vulnerable time in their bonding. Part of his soul is attached to Arthur now, and his body is trying to cope with the loss, all while dealing with the new addition of part of Arthur's soul. 

His head is pounding and all he wants is to crawl into Arthur's bed. But his rational brain is telling him still that Arthur is a rich git, and Merlin is still dating someone, and he barely knows the guy anyway! Merlin has trouble with intimacy with Will, how could he share a bed with a stranger?!

He's crying, because of the pain, and because he feels empty without his soulmate, but he's also so scared to go in there. He knows, though, Arthur is suffering too, and he is just prolonging the inevitable.

So. Still crying, he hobbles over to Arthur's door and knocks.

  * ○●○



When Arthur had gone into his room, he was hesitant to shut the door. He wondered if he should leave it open, in case Merlin needed anything in the night, but he could always knock. So Arthur just followed his normal routine.

As soon as he lay down, he realized his wrist was burning again. And he was feeling nauseated. He felt like he wanted Merlin. If only he had just said yes. He would be right here, next to Arthur, where Arthur could keep an eye on him. Not that he needed to. Just… it would have been good to have him close, that was all. He started to feel really bad, but he was unwilling to move, so he just stared at the wall. He wouldn't be able to sleep like this, but he would lie here all night if he had to. Then again, Merlin had to be feeling just as bad, didn't he?

And sure enough, a few minutes later, he hears a knock on his door. He is out of bed quicker than is reasonable, so he forces himself to take a deep breath and pause before opening the door.

When he does open it, he sees Merlin's tears and loses all dignity. He throws the door open the rest of the way and then wraps the kid into a hug that feels way too natural for forcing himself on a stranger. After his rationality catches up to him, he stiffens, and clears his throat, stepping away again. "That was… for the bond. Obviously. We just needed… contact."

As Arthur pulls away, Merlin doesn't hesitate to go back into his arms. This sense of completeness is hard to describe, but it's like he never knew there was a part of him that had been missing his whole life, and now it's here. He wants to hold him and protect him, because the other man is… his. Well, of course not literally. But Arthur has never felt a protectiveness this strong in all his life. It's overwhelming, and now that Merlin is willingly hugging him, it is even stronger.

"Sorry, sorry… erm." Merlin pulls away again, but his fingers linger, trailing down to tangle with Arthur's. Arthur happily grasps his hands. "That… god, this is embarrassing. But that was the best hug of my life," Merlin admits sheepishly.

Arthur melts. He blinks rapidly, and tries to come up with an answer that could fend off these advances. His rational brain is telling him to stay back. He can't get too attached, it's dangerous. He will be better off if he just lets this feeling die off and go away. It could, right? If he just ignores it and doesn't build a relationship with Merlin, the intensity will die down after the first 24 hours, and then only keep dying off. Right?

Instead of voicing his concerns, he says, "Well, of course. We're soulmates." His tone is not exactly warm, but it is definitely not cold and uncaring, like he was hoping for. He hasn't let go of Merlin's hands, either. He bites his lower lip. "Why were you crying? Did it hurt that badly? Don't torture yourself just to stay away from me. We're in the same boat, here." He hesitantly takes one hand out of Merlin's grasp, but he uses it to wipe Merlin's tears off his cheeks. He shouldn't be crying. That's just basic decency to want that, right?

Merlin shakes his head, though. "No… I just… I was thinking about… this. How complicated it all is. I have a boyfriend, I barely know you. It's just… it's inconvenient… I don't know. I also knew I had to climb in bed with you, but that makes me… that makes me really nervous. I… I usually am not… I don't usually touch like this… I'm not really… I don't even share a bed with Will, my boyfriend."

Arthur purses his lips, considering what Merlin is saying as he rambles. But he focuses on one phrase: “Will, my boyfriend.” He knew Merlin had a boyfriend before all this. He knew about Will. But hearing it said aloud right now is disappointing.

Merlin is his  _ soulmate _ . He can't be dating someone else. He can't belong to someone else. Arthur can  _ feel _ how perfect he is for him. And yet… isn't that what he wants? To be free of Merlin? So he shouldn't care if Will is in the picture.

He decides to drop this line of thinking and instead moves on to what Merlin said about the bed. This is actually helpful for him, to focus on problems he can solve.

"Okay. I know… this is awkward." He rubs his head. The only other person who has slept on this bed is his sister, and that is only when she was too drunk to go anywhere else. He doesn't love the idea of a stranger in his bed either. "But I promise you I won't try anything… I mean, I'll respect your space. We can even sleep head to foot if it makes you feel any better."

○●○●

Merlin makes a face and chuckles. "No way, I don't want feet in my face all night!" he exclaims. Then he sobers and adds, "Anyway, if it's what we need to do, it's fine. Maybe we can, erm, put some pillows up? I mean, in between us."

Now that they are talking more rationally about what to do, Merlin realizes he shouldn't still be holding Arthur's hand.

The hug was calming, grounding even, and an instant remedy to his slight panic. When he lets go of his soulmate's hand, however, it burns and he feels overwhelmed with the wrongness of it all. They are meant to be touching, and it's complicated, because… well for many reasons, but mostly, Merlin is not used to this.

He swallows hard, looking at the ground. This is really happening, the man in front of him is his  _ soulmate _ . All Merlin wants is to wrap himself in those strong arms and stay there. He knows he'll sleep better that way because he has never felt as safe as he does when they are touching. But. It's still too soon, isn't it? He hasn't even told Will anything yet. 

This all feels so wrong.

"I don't know what I want to do, though. There is so much of me that wants to hug and hold you, but… it's not okay, is it?" He looks up at Arthur, a little stricken. "I'm still with someone, who doesn't even know where I am, and we hardly know each other. Only a few hours ago we thought we hated each other."

Merlin hugs his middle, feeling tears well up again as he longs for another hug.

Arthur purses his lips and sighs. “We can do whatever we need to, to make you comfortable,” he says a little stiffly. He seems irritated. “Pillows, or whatever. I’m really not going to  _ do _ anything to you, though. As for Will being your boyfriend… well, that’s entirely up to you.” He steps away, back into his room. “I don’t care whether you tell him about me or keep me a secret. If you want to go on dating him, I’ll let you. It’s your business. But if you wanted to… make the bond feel better. I wouldn’t say that’s any of his business either. I would say that’s between you and I.” 

When Arthur shrugs dismissively, Merlin feels like crying again; he doesn't understand Arthur's intentions. He nods and stares at a spot on the carpet. He wishes he could end things with Will now. Just… he wants this to work with Arthur, but it doesn't seem like Arthur feels the same way. And really, his desire to leave his boyfriend for this stranger must be the bond talking, because honestly there is no real  _ reason _ Merlin should. Biology is just telling him to.

"Can we just go to bed now?" Merlin asks. He doesn't really feel like figuring this out tonight. It's too confusing, and he's so raw and emotional from the developments of the evening. "And… tomorrow, can we call in sick? The university has to respect a soul bond, it's an excused absence. I… I want to figure this out. I can't tonight, though. I'm too confused."

He will go to bed, sleep on the other side of pillows, and let tomorrow bring him the answers. He won't find any tonight.

  * ○●○



Arthur watches Merlin pout at the ground and shuffle into his room. It’s pitiful, he should be rolling his eyes, but instead his fingers are itching to gather him up and hug him again. As he watches, though, he can admit that Merlin makes a pretty cute picture. His dark curls are hiding most of his face when he pitches it down like that, and even though he is small already, his slumped shoulders and bowed head make him look even smaller. It makes Arthur want to… bop his nose, or something. That would be sure to piss him off.

“Yeah,” he breathes, trying not to think of Merlin in his arms  _ or _ being bopped on the nose. Neither is helpful right now. “Bed sounds good. Let me just bring in your stuff from the couch, and then…” He trails off. Then he’ll make a wall of pillows so that Merlin can feel better about himself, and they’ll probably both fall asleep with a slight ache to feel the other, skin on skin. 

Whatever.

He goes to get the extra bedding, and after their hug, the bond doesn’t protest his brief absence, but he is weirdly happy to see Merlin again when he returns, moments later. He starts to set up the bed as he addresses the second question.

“I’ll skip classes tomorrow, if you really want us to, but I still have work I need to finish. It can’t be a total slack day,” he grumbles into the bed. That can be his compromise. He doesn’t want to skip class either, but Merlin is right that the university will excuse it. They have to, by law. He hates the idea of a whole day spent slacking on his music though, so he bargains for time with his equipment at home at least.

Once the bed is set up, Merlin gets in and falls asleep almost right away. Arthur stays awake for hours, staring into his dark room. He wants to go to his piano or even his computer - music always calms him - but the bond won’t let him stay that far away, so he just waits until sleep finally overtakes him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where are things going to go from here? Oh no, the tension!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a weird night, the boys are faced with the reality of their situation and one of them may or may not have a panic attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We suck. Sorry again for the super long delay, but here you are! Some real cute stuff finally.

The sun is well above the horizon when Merlin peels his eyes open after a dream-filled sleep. His chest is tight and he feels like he is lost and grieving… something. He blinks around the room and the events of last night cascade over him. 

Fuck.

He takes a long time to gather his thoughts and bearings with a sleeping form beside him that is enticing him to cuddle. Arthur is sound asleep, snoring very softly. It's quite adorable, making Merlin long for him in a way that makes him tear up. Which is weird because how can he miss someone he doesn't even know? It's like he has jumped out of a hot shower into a cold night with no towel, and all he wants is to wrap up in the warmth of this gorgeous human beside him.

But.

Well, it's complicated.

Merlin slinks out of bed and goes to the corner of the room where his backpack is, pulling out his phone. There are several texts from a very unhappy Will. Merlin plugs in his phone and sets to responding to his boyfriend, deciding to give him an explanation finally.

It doesn't go well.

He spends an hour fighting with Will over text before they finally decide to end things. They both had sort of known this was coming for a while now, but the whole soulmate thing makes it not worth the effort. They had been friends for a year before they started dating three months ago, and their friendship will most likely stay intact. Hopefully. But they clearly aren't meant for each other. And Merlin is grateful that Will is giving him a chance to figure out what he wants from Arthur.

Once things are said and done, numb and uncaring, Merlin looks to the sleeping form who is meant to make him happy for the rest of his life. It's hard to be sad about his break up looking at that beautiful, blonde prat but there are too many feelings rumbling inside him to truly understand what is going on.

Arthur starts to stir in his sleep, making Merlin feel uneasy and sad. It's almost as if those emotions are coming off of Arthur, and not from within Merlin himself. It's odd, but something that he has read about: soulmates sharing emotions.

With a weary heart, and head full of too many thoughts, Merlin stands up and climbs back into bed. This causes Arthur's eyes to flutter open, and when they make eye contact, Merlin practically melts into the bed sheets.

  * ○●○



Arthur wakes up feeling fairly shitty, to be honest. He must have had some distressing dreams, to leave him feeling this way. But as soon as he opens his eyes, he sees a beautiful face and it fills him with a rush of tenderness. He smiles and it lasts for probably too long before all the pieces fit together in his head and he realizes that there is someone in his fucking bed. That that someone is Merlin, the obnoxious kid Gwaine knows. And that Merlin is now his soulmate. His smile falters.

He turns and yawns, because he doesn’t actually want to be mean, and then stretches on his side of the bed. “Made it through the night, did you?” he asks sarcastically. Well, maybe he wants to be a little mean. The kid had told him he couldn’t sleep anywhere but at home, though. He deserved a little bit of ridicule.

Merlin scoffs, and his smile falls off his face. "I did," he retorts, coming off sounding proud of this small feat. Then he bites his lip, eyes darting to the side. "So… erm, I've been up for a few hours now… and well, I texted Will. He knows. Um. We broke up. I just thought you should know." He scratches the back of his head nervously while Arthur takes a deep breath and sits up.

Then, he wonders if he should feel bad for being the reason for their break up. He doesn’t, though. He never liked (or knew) Will any better than Merlin. Strangely, he feels something like relief. As if he was worried Merlin would choose Will over him. Only, that makes no sense, because he didn’t want to choose Merlin himself.

“You didn’t have to do that,” he says softly in the end. He turns to face Merlin fully. “I…” He hesitates, not used to speaking so honestly, but he feels like he owes Merlin an explanation. “I never wanted a soulmate. So I don’t need you to… want me, or anything. If you really like this guy… maybe you should see if he’ll date you while you are bonded. People do that, sometimes. It wouldn’t be too weird.”

Merlin shakes his head. "I didn't do it for you. In fact, he initiated it. He said I shouldn't have to worry about a relationship while I figure out all this soulmate stuff. I… I know we don't know each other, and… I don't think I want a relationship right now anyway, but… we can at least be friends, right?

Arthur purses his lips and then slowly nods. “Okay, fine. That’s between you two, I guess.” But friends? Merlin wants to be friends with Arthur. But he was always so mouthy and quick to call Arthur out on things he thought were wrong. Why would he  _ want _ to be friends? And Arthur is pretty sure he is just a dork, not someone who could really offer anything in a friendship.

He does think they should be cordial, at least, though. They’ll be stuck with each other till one of them dies. So it’s not like he thinks he should foster the hatred they probably used to share. And it would be rude of him to turn down the offer of friendship. Fuck, Arthur knows that much.

  * ○●○



Merlin eyes Arthur again, trying to understand this weird feeling between them. It's almost as if they both know something the other doesn't but are refusing to say it. It's unsettling. Mostly, Merlin just wants this whole bonding period to be over so he can sort out what he really wants. It's not like he was dying for a soulmate either. But here they are. And they both need to deal with it.

“What do you think of music?” Arthur asks out of the blue.

"Music?" Merlin sputters, taken aback by the abrupt change in subject. "I… I like music." He scowls. "Why do you ask? Do you hate music or something? You probably hate all things related to joy, I'm sure."

Merlin is teasing, of course. They weren't friendly before, and the dynamic of fighting is easy to fall back into. But he also wants to test the waters of their earlier banter. It seems the light of day has brought them back to their old selves, not the emotional wrecks they were last night. It's refreshing in a way. 

Still, he hopes Arthur can take a joke and doesn't have a stick up his ass.

Arthur frowns at Merlin’s suggestion. “I do not,” he protests. “And I love music. I just can’t have  _ you _ hating it.” After a beat, though, Arthur seems to realize Merlin is joking, so he smiles too. It's a sort of lopsided smile, and stunning.

Suddenly, Arthur stands up and changes the subject. “Do you want breakfast or something? I have cereal, and maybe some eggs. I don’t have a lot…” 

Snapping back to reality, Merlin realizes he's hungry and food seems like the most exciting thing in the universe. His stomach growls in approval at the talk of eggs. "Yes, please!"

When Arthur starts to walk out of the room, the pull to follow almost literally drags Merlin with him. “Why don’t you come with me?” Arthur asks after a sigh.

Just the few steps Arthur took to his door send a warning through the bond. It’s not a sharp pain, but a dull ache. Merlin is shocked that after the whole night of sleeping in the same bed, their bond is still making them stay close.

Turning back slightly, Arthur offers his hand. Merlin treads carefully, closing the distance between them, then stops and looks at the outstretched hand. He stares at it a moment too long, but he can't bring himself to take it.

He remembers drunken nights of touching and trying so hard to be a sexual person. He remembers times people hugged him, or touched him unexpectedly and how the uneasy feeling it gave him felt like the stupidest thing in the world. Memories of cuddling with his Mum and feeling safe and warm and never really knowing that kind of protection from anyone else besides her and… and Arthur last night.

He has to explain, he thinks. It was the first thing he and Will talked about when they started dating. Merlin would have sex, as long as there wasn't much touching and kissing. The physical release was all he got from the activity, because touching made him uncomfortable. He knows that Arthur's hand isn't anything close to an offer of sex. But even handshakes cause Merlin's palms to go sweaty and tingle with a wrongness that's hard to shake off.

He has to explain.

"Arthur… I know that the bond is wanting us to touch. It… I feel it too, and it hurts not to touch you but… I'm… I'm sorry. This kind of stuff makes me… I… it makes me uncomfortable." He glances up at Arthur, but then looks away, too shy to hold the gaze. "I don't usually like being touched. It's… I know it's weird. I'm… I'm really sorry," he stutters, voice cracking on the final apology.

He truly is sorry that he is making them both miserable by not being able to get over this… whatever it is. Just like last night when he had insisted on sleeping on the couch, then building a wall of pillows. He  _ knows _ it's a strange quirk, but it's how he's always been, and shouldn't his soulmate be the first person to understand that?

He hopes so.

  * ○●○



Arthur turns around fully when it is clear that Merlin isn't going to take his hand. He starts to frown, but then Merlin very nervously explains how he doesn't like to be touched. Arthur drops his hand, and he doesn't fully understand, but… Merlin doesn't want to touch him, and that's enough right there. Arthur meant what he said last night, about not doing anything that Merlin doesn't want to do.

He's just… perplexed. He hugged Merlin yesterday, and looking back, he knows that was a bigger mistake than he thought it was already. But Merlin had said afterward that he liked it. In fact, he said it was the best hug of his life. And right after,  _ he _ was the one to hug  _ Arthur _ . Arthur knows he remembers that correctly, because it stuck with him. It isn't something that happens often.

So, now he doesn't want to even hold Arthur's hand. Not even with the added pressure of the bond. Which is fine, really. It's not even painful yet, Arthur can handle much more than this. It's just… it felt so good, so natural, last night. And he knows Merlin felt that way too.

He forces himself to stop thinking about it and starts towards his kitchen again. "Whatever. It doesn't matter to me. I just thought it would help." 

He leads the way into the kitchen and goes to the fridge. There's not much inside, because Arthur needs to take a trip to the grocery store pretty fucking badly. He doesn't worry about food much, because he rarely has guests over. Usually, he wouldn't even eat breakfast before going to class.

He checks the milk bottle in his fridge and then discreetly puts it back. It smells like shit. At least the carton of eggs he has is half full. And eggs don't really go bad, right?

"Well, do you want some eggs? I can fry some up, or… or scramble them." He trails off in intensity, because he really isn't much of a cook, but he doesn't like how pathetic he is coming off right now. "I have tea, too," he offers weakly.

  * ○●○



Arthur is dismissive, which hurts more than it should. Merlin blames the bond. Still, it's hard to tell how Arthur really feels, he's so aloof and seems uncaring. Yet, Merlin already has seen flashes of his kindness and hospitality that have proved otherwise. It's confusing.

But he follows along into the kitchen, deciding on eggs and tea. He offers to make the tea while Arthur makes the eggs. They move around each other, rather uncomfortably, hyper aware of the fact that they are distinctly not touching. Merlin's wrist burns, and he feels like he lost something important to him, but at least he's not throwing up.

Breakfast is thick with awkward silences and sporadic comments about class and other random things. There is tension steadily building as their bond incessantly reminds them that they have not touched since the hug last night.

Merlin had said his piece about how he normally doesn't like being touched, but it's clear the soul bond hardly cares. Once they finish eating, Merlin can't hold back anymore. So when Arthur takes the dishes to the sink Merlin snags the moment to say what's on his mind.

"I normally  _ don't  _ like being touched. Well, it's okay sometimes but only with people I trust. That's… that's how it normally is, anyway. But I know you feel it too, the bond is pushing and pulling us together every chance it gets. And… well..." Merlin scratches the back of his head, wildly uncomfortable with this next bit, but he has to say it: "Last night I did really enjoy hugging you. Which is weird for me. And I don't know if it's just because we are soulmates or if you are really a safe person or what... and I appreciate you giving me my space… so thanks. But… if you're…" He doesn't know how to ask this. "If you're okay moving slow, and… we talk about it first, I want to… well, I want to have physical contact with you."

God, why did he have to go and say it all weird? But at least it's out there. He knows he can't avoid touching Arthur forever.

  * ○●○



While Arthur washes the dishes, he is fine pretending Merlin is not there and the sensation in his arm is just a normal pain and nothing is different about today. But when Merlin speaks up, Arthur's attention is forced back to the situation that is slowly becoming a pain in his ass.

Arthur is starting to find Merlin’s halting, nervous speeches endearing, which makes no sense at all. It's a waste of time, and Arthur doesn't usually have a lot of patience. But the kid is rambling about why he might have liked hugging him, and Arthur isn't even irritated, just a little lost. He doesn't seem to be getting to a point.

Eventually he does, though, or at least something close to one.

The first thing Arthur thinks is that Merlin seems to be expecting a lot more from this than Arthur is. Moving slow? He is hoping to get Merlin the hell out of his apartment by the end of today. Ideally, they won't have time to move slowly. However, some part of Arthur does reluctantly admit that he hasn't thought this all through. He can't just fucking kick Merlin out and be done with it. He knows this, logically.

Still, talking about taking things slow gives the impression of commitment or at least something a lot deeper than what Arthur has even considered. And yet, not much in this is his choice, really. Not much at all. Damn it.

"Sure," he agrees amiably. "Whatever you are comfortable with." That much he can grant him. Honestly, all things considered, Merlin's reluctance to touch is actually a boone. Some newly bonded people are all over their new soulmate, enjoying the rush of the feeling the bond gives them. Arthur  _ really _ doesn't want that. At least with Merlin, he will know exactly what to expect and when. He already has a lot more privacy and personal space than he could have reasonably hoped for.

"As long as we stay close to each other, we seem to be doing fine," Arthur adds, turning over his wrist and inspecting his red mark that looks like a butterfly. He hasn't seen Merlin's closely, but he did see blue there. Very likely, their butterflies match. "So… if you don't mind staying here for now? You said you were going to skip your classes for today, right?"

Merlin scowls. "I… well, I'll stay for as long as the bond makes me. But… Arthur, you're being weird. I mean, I know this situation _is_ weird, but I'm trying, and we have to do something about this. I feel like you just want me to go away, though. And… I understand, I really do, but I can't leave, if you haven't noticed. We can't get rid of each other, so can you just… I don't know, pretend like you understand how fucking monumental this is!" Merlin finishes his little tirade with a huff.

Arthur is not particularly impressed with his shit, but at least the anger is something different. He wrinkles his brow, but he doesn't feel like he needs to retaliate at all. Merlin… well, he's right, mostly. Arthur finishes the last of the dishes and then walks back to sit next to Merlin on the couch.

"Sorry," Merlin whispers as he settles. "It's just… I don't know what to do, and you're the only person that can help me solve this, and I don't feel like you're helping by closing off."

Arthur looks at him. "I don't know that this is something that can be 'solved'," he says carefully, unsure how best to respond. "We just have to get through it. A few weeks, maybe, and then we'll be free to go our own ways. I know, we'll have to meet up occasionally, but we -" he cuts himself off with a frown. This is the part he feels a bit guilty about, but he isn't about to change his mind. "I told you before, I don't need a soulmate. There are certain things we'll be forced into now, I understand that. But it's not like you're moving in with me. This will be over soon enough, once the bond intensity wears off."

There. That can't be misunderstood, right? He's not closed off anymore, just laying out the truth. Merlin can't complain about that.

  * ○●○



Everything Arthur says makes sense. It's mostly what Merlin feels too. Right?

But it  _ hurts _ so badly hearing that he is unwanted. He knows soulmates can leave each other; it's what his father did to his mother after all. But… he had always believed that it was the wrong choice to make. Sure Balinor didn't know he had a child, but he should have stayed anyway.

Maybe Merlin is letting his own biases get in the way of judgment.

Maybe it's the soul bond that is telling him they should stay together.

Maybe it's that he was dumped this morning, and last night he discovered that a prat who hates him is his soulmate, and it's painful not to touch him, even though Merlin doesn't get close to anyone in that way, and he is stuck here in this apartment till the bond's intensity wears off so Arthur can finally be rid of him.

Or maybe it's all of the above.

But whatever it is, it causes hot tears to well up in his eyes, though he tries his hardest to push them down. "Okay, yeah, that's… okay. I understand." 

His heart races for no good reason whatsoever. He feels like someone just punched him in the gut right before he had to pose and smile for a picture. His soul mark burns, and he places a hand over it. He just wants to go home!

  * ○●○



Merlin starts to tear up, but instead of ridiculing him, Arthur feels…  _ hurt _ . Without thinking, for the second time he just reacts to Merlin's tears. This time, he catches himself just before his hand reaches Merlin's shoulder.

He lets it hover in the air there for a split second before bringing it back. The urge to comfort is strong, but Merlin just explained that he doesn't want to be touched. Arthur can do that, he's not that much of an asshole.

Unfortunately, he lacks the words to comfort the kid. He frowns at his soulmate instead. "You don't look like it's okay. Don't… don't cry, just… what is it? What do you want, Merlin?" He tries not to sound distressed, but it comes out that way. He didn't mean to make Merlin fucking  _ cry _ ! And he is quickly learning that he hates this kid's tears. He wants to fix this, whatever it is. But he also doesn't understand what is so upsetting.

Is it that bad to have to spend a few weeks together? Or could he possibly want to stay with Arthur? No, he said himself that he hated Arthur; there is no way he wants him as a fucking soulmate. But he seemed ready to handle whatever happened, a moment ago. Maybe this isn't about Arthur at all. Maybe he is crying about stupid-ass Will again.

  * ○●○



"I don't know!" Merlin all but wails. He lets his head fall into his hands. It doesn't matter if he looks ridiculous or Arthur judges him. Merlin just gives up. His soul mark hurts, his head hurts, his heart hurts, he just…  _ hurts _ . So much.

Whatever.

He's gonna cry and it doesn't even matter. Arthur already hates him anyway.

"This sucks. All of this. I just got dumped, my soul mate doesn't want me, I don't know what  _ I  _ want, but apparently that doesn't matter because of our stupid bond. And I want to go home, but I can't, and I'm tired of trying to be okay with all this; it just sucks. All I want is to curl up in my own bed and not feel like this anymore."

Merlin is babbling. He's not sure how coherent he is. But one thing is clear as he rants: Arthur is dying to touch him. He can sense it, and there is very little inside Merlin that wants to resist the touch. Yet Merlin doesn't think he can initiate it. Not right now. Arthur probably just pities him, or it's the soul bond talking, it's not like Arthur actually cares that Merlin is having a breakdown.

  * ○●○



Arthur listens to Merlin with growing alarm. His eyes widen, but he doesn't do anything, because he doesn't know  _ what _ to do. Merlin is rambling, crying… he seems to be out of control. He is obviously very upset, but Arthur has no fucking idea how to comfort him. This is not his area of expertise.

Yet, he  _ wants _ to. He is almost frightened by the intense display, not only because he has no idea how to handle it, but more importantly, because he wants to make Merlin happy. He wants to be able to hold him and make everything better, because he can tell how desolate Merlin feels.

"I… I'm sorry," he manages, knowing those words don't solve anything. "Look, um. We can spend today at your place? If it makes you feel better?" He offers this without really considering it, desperate to do something right.

The only thing he knows without a doubt will help is touch, and Merlin doesn't want to touch him. So he doesn't make a move, but his body is burning to. He stares at Merlin, almost pleading, and then whispers, "I wish I could help.”

After a long moment, Merlin sits up and looks back at Arthur. He rubs away some tears from his eyes, but he's still crying. With a sniffle, Merlin hesitantly requests, "Can… I know it's the bond, mostly… but I really could use a hug right now. And… I know you give good hugs."

“Of course!” Arthur jumps up from the couch almost immediately and meets Merlin as he stands. He wraps his arms around the smaller man and does his best to replicate what he had called "the best hug" he had ever received. Arthur is not sure what exactly makes a good hug, as he very rarely hugs people himself. But Merlin liked it before. And he knows that it feels amazing for him at least.

The relief from the pain comes over him like a flood. He can relax now from tension he didn't even know he was holding. And in the moment, he stops caring that Merlin is practically a stranger and a soulmate that he didn't want, not to mention a kid he doesn't like very well. He is just happy to be holding him.

Instinctively, he wipes away what is left of Merlin's tears. He almost goes in for a kiss before he realizes what he is doing and stops himself. And this time, he doesn't let up. Once the rush of feeling equalizes, he stays there. Because… it feels great.

"Is that… is this okay?" He asks roughly. "I'm sorry we have to do something you don't want. It's just… it helps." He bites his lip, dissatisfied with the excuse, but unable to offer anything better.

  * ○●○



Merlin is in shock from the fact that Arthur is  _ holding  _ onto him in such a sweet and caring way. It's. A lot. There is a lot going on, but everything seems at peace all of the sudden. His rising panic is settled, his headache is gone, he feels happier. It's all so wonderful, Merlin is half-convinced he is dreaming.

"I do like it," he answers. Then he blushes fiercely. "I mean… it's… it's okay. Well, the hug is fantastic. What I mean to say is, it's okay that we are… touching. I asked for a hug and…"

Another wave of utter joy passes over him as his skin sings with pleasure at the contact of his soulmate. "And…" Merlin forgets words, lost in this feeling. So he hides his face in Arthur's chest, breathing him in like someone starved.

"This is more than fine. I know the bond makes this feel good. But… I really did need a hug. And… I don't care if it  _ is _ just the bond, you feel safe." 

"Oh. Thanks," Arthur says awkwardly.

Merlin doesn't bring his head away from Arthur's chest as more emotion springs up. He starts to sniffle again, but this time it's more out of sheer delight.

There is, however, an undercurrent of disappointment that this will have to end. Arthur doesn't want him. That was made clear. Merlin thought he was sure before, that he didn't want to stay with Arthur either. Now, though, he's not too sure of anything.

Arthur starts to absentmindedly rub Merlin's back. "I'm still sorry," he says again. "I know you don't want this. I'm glad I can help, though. I do want you to be happy, you know? I guess that's inevitable. Maybe… maybe you will get used to hugs from me soon. If you wanted." 

Arthur tries to pull back to see his face, and as he looks into Arthur's eyes, this close, with the morning sun seeping through the window nearby, Merlin really notices them for the first time. Gorgeous blue eyes that look like they have seen pain, yet know a great deal about what it means to be loyal and supportive. If it weren't for this whole soulmate thing, could Merlin see himself falling for those eyes? Honestly? Yes. He very easily can imagine falling apart and losing himself to this man.

"I'm… really, I'm fine. I… it's not like I  _ never _ want to be touched. It just usually takes a lot for me to get warmed up to people. But the bond made that process faster, I guess. But… can… is it okay with you if we… erm, if we cuddle for a little bit?" 

Merlin blushes as he thinks about how weird of a request that must be. "Sorry. We don't have to… I don't know what you're comfortable with… I know you have things to do today… I just… I think it will make me feel better?"

Merlin trembles in Arthur's arms from this new familiarity. He wants the answer to his question to be 'yes'. So badly.

  * ○●○



Arthur is surprised as fuck by Merlin's question, but only in his rational brain. His unfiltered emotional brain says, “Yes," and he is left to fumble with the consequences of that. He clears his throat a moment after and adds, "Maybe we could put on a movie, or some TV?" Just to give them  _ something _ to do. He doesn't want to sit awkwardly while cuddling with Merlin. Besides, cuddling has never been much of an interest for him, even after sex. With Merlin, it already feels different, though. If he has something to occupy his mind, the cuddling should just be a good feeling.

He steps away from Merlin, but doesn't really let go, just sits him back down on the couch. He glances at the keyboard against the wall then, and suddenly has an urge to go play it. In fact, he might have a melody he wants to play with…

He told Merlin he'd cuddle, though, so it will have to wait. He scoots closer to him and they get settled into something comfortable, but his eyes stray back to the piano.

They discover they both like Into the Woods, which Arthur has on DVD. They aren't touching a whole lot, but the contact they do have is enough to keep the bond calm. Merlin finally relaxes and about the time the Wolf sings his first solo, the kid drifts off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cuddling? Who would have thought they would be here already! No promises, but we will try to keep this next update within a month... :/

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, we are total nerds, and we roleplayed this story over texts between the two of us. So it is probably kind of choppy going back and forth between viewpoints, but we hope you still enjoy!!
> 
> P. S. The real fun starts next chapter! ;)


End file.
